A new beginning
by Ainsel3
Summary: "The future haunts us, the past holds us back, the present escapes us" The only way to overcome the past is think about the future?
1. first steps

**My second long-fiction of Nabari. This will be less than the first, I think a ten chapters, and is more closely related to manga.**

**Even the other is a "what if ...", but this is a "how it would go with another final." With the right ending, I would say, considering that I remain convinced that the Nabari's end is the most incoherent and crazy ever created.**

**As always, I hope this will please you ^^**

* * *

Miharu in the two months they had spent together, when the desire to trample his will and save him was constantly more pressing but hidden, had often asked himself how Yoite would have reacted had he used the Shinrabasho to save his life rather than erase him.

His first thought was that Yoite would have hated him, but something inside him had always rebelled at the idea; as if, paradoxically thinking of how many people he had killed, he couldn't think Yoite capable of hate.

After he had really done it, he had watched Yoite's dying face and felt his heart explode at the simple thought of losing him, not a day had passed without him trying to break the silence that Yoite had enclosed himself in, sitting in a corner of Yukimi's apartment without looking anyone in the eyes.

Yoite confidentially knew that he was making Miharu suffer behaving this way, but the more time passed the more he felt incapable of reacting. Up until a week ago he was convinced he was going to die, and when Miharu had been able to activate the Shinrabasho to erase the past instead of changing it he had done it to prevent his learning of the Kira.

His skin was again white without any stains, he had reacquired the full use of his senses in such a sudden way that he had instinctively protected his ears from sounds, to which he was no longer used to.

In the space of two weeks he had lost control of his own body, this he had accepted, but it was still difficult for him to do anything but stare at nothing curled up on the floor.

He hadn't even reacted when Yukimi had informed him that he was back in his apartment because the Hattori leader had decided to forgive him under the extraordinary circumstances, although he felt guilty for the sigh his silence had forced out of the other man.

He felt just as guilty at the knowledge that in those weeks Miharu had never left his side, sitting anxiously on the couch a few feet away, not even knowing whether he felt anger, distrust, affection, or gratitude for him.

- Yoite, have you seriously not moved from there?

He ignored the shocked exclamation from Gau, who had just entered the room with Raiko, thinking that Yukimi would have taken care of him. But the man did not intervene, and the boy came closer.

- It's been two weeks already, confront the terrible trauma of not being dead!

Gau became rigid at the look Yoite gave him, but – helped by the presence of Raiko and the fact the he no longer knew how to use the Kira- didn't back away from his purpose.

- It's lunch time, let's go out - he said – even Miharu has to go out, and if you stay here it will be impossible to get him to go outside. We could try to force him, but the Raiko-san would probably get arrested for abduction of minors.

Miharu looked at him with skepticism, appreciating the effort but not believing that Yoite would be so easily convinced.

He didn't say anything, not because the offer displeased him but because he wasn't instinctively prone to refusing it. The thought that he wouldn't have minded having lunch with Miharu, Yukimi and the rest pushed him to hide his face between his knees, even more confused than before.

The only truth that he had reached during those long days of meditation was that deep down he still thought that his existence was a mistake, but at the same time he clearly remembered his determination when – not long before his non death because of, or thanks to, the Shinrabasho – he had decided to just be Yoite. Before his reaction Gau hesitated, not knowing how to respond, and Raiko put his hand on his shoulder to reassure him. He had been silent up till this moment, but then he spoke with a gentle yet definite tone.

- I found a restaurant where I have already reserved for today - he said - So get up and walk Yoite-kun, and you Miharu-kun put on your jacket. Yukimi, get away from that computer.

The man instinctively opened his mouth to retort, mainly to not be ordered around in his own house, but when he saw Yoite get up from the floor he nearly choked on his own saliva out of shock. Even Miharu was staring, not believing that he had seriously moved.

When he passed next to him to open the door he didn't say anything, he barely looked at him, but Miharu didn't consider it important. Afterall in the long and agonizing reflections that he had developed in those two weeks, incapable himself of leaving the room, Yoite's blame was the first thing he had resigned himself to.

He knew he had betrayed his trust, but he also wanted to believe that he could gain it back; encouraged by the thought that he had all the time in the world to do it.

* * *

In the car the atmosphere wasn't particularly cheerful – not helped by the fact that, to fit in Yukimi's car, Gau ended up plastered against one of the windows and Miharu withheld complaints after being elbowed repeatedly in the ribs – but once getting out of the car they all had to admit that at least in appearance the place didn't look too bad.

Yoite still hadn't said a word, and remained silent even as he followed the others to the table Raiko had chosen and didn't say anything even at the act of courage Miharu displayed at sitting next to him. They had all resigned themselves, or better yet had gotten so used to his silence, that when without any warning he spoke they all stared at him open mouthed.

- There's lemonade - he said in a flat voice.

Not noticing the reaction he had caused Yoite kept calmly reading the menu, apparently interested, and Yukimi had to impose his maximum self-control not to react in a juvenile way and lash out against him.

Afterall, he told himself, it's normal that after staying silent for weeks his first words were for a damned lemonade. Normal for Yoite at least.

Miharu instead, after the initial shock, decided not to waste the opportunity, rushing to answer him even though he had only made a passing comment.

- Next time we could go eat okonomiyaki at my place - he suggested – I could cook and ….

He interrupted the conversation when he realized that Yoite had no interest in answering him, but when he was about to sag completely the taller male turned slowly and looked at him in the eyes.

Miharu instinctively thought with a violent sense of relief that Yoite's blue eyes were again clear, no longer clouded over by the sickness like they were in the last few days, and just that was enough to make him happy even without the words he spoke after.

-Ok - he answered simply. – You promised me you'd make the again.

Miharu had the urge to cry and hug him at the same time, but his impulse was blocked by the arrival of a waiter.

- Would you like to order? - asked the boy gingerly, oblivious of the glare he was receiving from the sort brunette.

Raiko nodded cheerfully, immediately followed by Gau out of pure principal, and even Yukimi nodded.

Miharu found it a little absurd that they were all dismissing so lightly the fact that apparently Yoite had gone back to interacting after weeks of isolation, but then –with a minimum of re found calm- he admitted that making him feel too much under pressure would not be a good idea.

- I will have what Yukimi is having – he said, not wanting to study the menu and confiding in the fact that he had ordered something edible.

-Beer Included? - asked the man with a wry tone.

Miharu blushed, but didn't have enough time to reply that – living with an adult who often drinks can bring minors in a bad direction-, when Yoite had already interfered.

- You can't drink beer - he said sharply

- I wasn't seriously planning on getting any! - protested Miharu, appreciating none the less his interest.

Without answering him Yoite spoke briefly with the waiter to order, and after making sure he had gotten everyone's request the waiter left with the premise that their food would arrive soon.

- Try to eat in a normal way when the food comes - said Gau then.

- There is nothing wrong with the way I eat.- answered Yoite, not particularly convinced by his own affirmation.

- You don't eat, you _swallow_ your food.- he pointed out – I don't know how you manage not to choke.

Honestly no one at the table felt they could deny his words, but Yukimi was so used to that as well that he only shook his shoulders with nonchalance.

- You can do as you like - he said. - I'm buying this time, so eat as you like

He had thought – or better yet expected – that Yoite would have looked at him with gratitude and that he would have at least nodded to show him that he appreciated the gesture; but instead he simply inclined his head imperceptibly and stared at him without batting an eyelash.

- You would have had to pay anyway seeing that I don't have any money - he observed.

Yukimi had to admit that it was the simple truth, but he was peeved however at the way Yoite had simply taken it for granted. Nevertheless he didn't want to bring up at this very moment how for the past two years Yoite had been totally dependent on his finances, but truthfully he knew that he would never face this argument with a person like him capable of feeling guilty about everything.

So he went back to eating bread sticks and observing Yoite with a thoughtful expression as the latter went back to talking with Miharu and Gau.

In those last few weeks he had been to tense and irritable for his behavior to want to think about the future, and he had also been too tired after the battle for the Shinrabasho, but now, seeing him more lucid he found himself thinking about it again.

Even if Yoite no longer possessed the Kira he knew he could still remain a shinobi, finding in him an ability that went well beyond that single technique, but instinctively Yukimi refused the possibility.

He wasn't for such a violent world, he had always been convinced of this and now he could no longer deny the obvious.

- Yukimi, if you plan on staring off into space for long can I start eating your food?

- Get away from my plate.

Even though Raiko's question had effectively ripped from his thoughts he promptly answered, glaring at him, and obtaining an immediate and predictable reaction from Gau.

- Don't talk to Raiko-san that way!- he protested raising his voice.

- Raiko, can you tell your guard dog not to bother me when I'm eating?

- _What_ did you call me?

Ignoring both of the completely Yoite and Miharu started calmly eating, and when the raven passed the sauce without even needing him to ask Miharu blushed joyfully. Simply the fact that he was still talking to him was more than he had hoped for, and the fact that he was even nice to him – even perceptive, remembering his favorite dressing- was well over his wildest dreams.

- Thank you - he said, trying to sound calm.

Yoite nodded in answer, and even if Gau wasn't even looking at him – too busy reminding Yukimi that he was the prototype of a failure of an adult, and as consequence accused of being a hysterical infant- he forced himself to cut his okonomiyaki in smaller pieces before eating them.

If he allowed himself he would have admitted that he found the atmosphere warm and friendly. The same situation that some time ago, before another table full of cheerful and noisy people, had caused a tightness in his chest so painful it made him cry.

Even now he felt a mix of discomfort, unsuitableness and pain; but at least the fear of death and the loneliness had subsided, having accepted the fact that he cared at least for Miharu and Yukimi, and this was enough to help him handle the rest.

He then believed that it was this thought, imprudently and unjustly optimistic for someone like him that didn't deserve anything of the sort, that caused that kind of reaction out of what follows.

He had just brought the first piece of okonomiyaki to his mouth, forcing himself to chew it at least once before swallowing, when a stunned voice made him jump.

- …..aren't you Sora?

He turned even though he didn't want to, and paled when he found himself looking into the eyes of a familiar boy that had held a knife against him two years ago. Eyes now filled with bewilderment rather than contempt as they were back then, but that he would never have mistaken for someone else's.


	2. who are you?

**I'm really sorry for the long wait between the first and the second chapter.**

**While I've always personally translated the other long fiction, I had given this to a friend of mine. However she is a person so much available as irresponsible, so in the end I decided not to wait for her eternal waiting times and translate also this alone.**

* * *

- You are Sora, right?!

Yukimi had just started to sip his beer when this sudden exclamation almost made him choke. He raised his eyes immediately, startled, finding confirmation of his fears in verifying that the boy was looking earnestly Yoite.

Yukimi judged that he must have been around 18 years old, tall and robust with shaggy dark hair and blue eyes that now shone with bewilderment. Next to him was another smaller girl, barely thirteen that seemed equally nervous.

Cursing mentally Yukimi came forward immediately, remembering easily that Tsukasa in speaking of his parents - his and of Yoite, for better or for worse - had also mentioned some stepbrothers.

_Great, just what we needed!_

- His name is Yoite - Gau intervened, and at least this time Yukimi appreciated his habit of putting his mouth in any matter.

The boy, however, did not even seem to hear him, staring at Yoite never look away.

- You are Sora... - he repeated, more slowly. - So you were not dead?

Miharu did not fully understand what was happening, as he winced to hear that name had never forgotten, however he reacted instinctively in front of the blatant malevolence of the boy he did not know.

- We have already said that he isn't Sora - said firmly.

- I have not asked you, shut up!

Miharu stood for a moment amazed, not accustomed to being treated so openly aggressive, and for the second time Yukimi moved to intervene and tell at both guys - considering that he judged the silent tension of the girl even more irritating of 'hostility to him - they had to leave.

But before he could open his mouth Yoite's voice stopped him.

- Sora never existed - he said, apparently addressed to anyone in particular.

Yukimi didn't know whether to stay frustrated for his tone subtly distressed or for those cryptic words, convinced that they would definitely convinced the boys of their position rather than discourage them.

So he didn't even get angry when the boy snapped vehemently.

- I knew you are Sora! - exclaimed. - Where the hell have you been the past two years? You think seriously that you can afford to live as if nothing happened when you ...

- It seems to me you have been told that he isn't the Sora you are looking for, right?

Raiko had spoken in a tone seemingly quiet, lovely even, but as anyone at the table the two boys perceived an implicit threat that silenced the oldest. Raiko stared at him eloquently as the boy tightened his lips, enraged, then he smile with satisfaction when, after a few moments, he saw him turn suddenly.

- Yuki, let's go! - abruptly ordered to his sister.

The girl nodded, but both before leaving threw a last, suspicious glance at Yoite that he couldn't support. He hated himself for having looked away, and he was hating the impulsive resentment tried in front of his brothers.

He felt beggar for the thought, not even touching the idea of having the right to nurture a grudge against them.

Surrounded by dark memories and reflections Yoite didn't notice that the table was wrapped in a tense silence, realizing only after a few minutes that everyone was trying to find something to say to him. This only increased his discomfort, believing himself to be a source of anxiety even for them, and rose hastily.

- Yoite, wait! - Miharu held him back, standing up in turn.

- I go to the bathroom.

In fact this wasn't what he had thought, but he realized that Miharu would immediately follow him if he left the restaurant, and at that time Yoite felt the urge to be alone. In this way convinced him to wait there, even though it was clear that Miharu was still reluctant at the prospect.

* * *

Yoite honestly thought about that possibility, but in the end he couldn't go away secretly leaving Miharu and Yukimi without an explanation; and he suspected that even Raiko and Gau wouldn't take well a similar gesture.

So he ended up going really to the bathroom, opening the cold water and rinsing several times his face. He wanted to get wet his head, but he knew that return to the table with dripping hair wouldn't help to create a peaceful environment.

However Yoite grew nervous even more to realize that he wanted to be in peace with those he considered his friends - or maybe his family, something whence he had always been radically excluded that he couldn't judge - divided between the ancient belief that an error like him didn't deserve anything and the recent decision to live as the person who had become since he was called so.

- ... I am Yoite - whispered to himself in the mirror.

- No, you're Sora.

Yoite was startled to see the reflection of his half-brother, just walked into the bathroom behind him. He turned while not knowing what to say, hardly daring to look at the boy.

Yoite remembered that he was older than two years and that his name was Rei, but otherwise didn't keep any memory of a person with whom he had lived for most of his life. The only memory that was still so clear to shake him was the one where the guy holding a knife to strike him, and he found himself instinctively to rest a hand on his neck.

- Take off the scarf - ordered the boy, following his gesture. - If you aren't Sora let me see your neck. If I see that you have no scar I'll admit I was wrong.

Yoite flinched unwittingly, taking immediately on the defensive.

He knew that in that way Rei would definitely recognized him, but more than that he felt an instinctive form of rejection at the prospect that someone - anyone, regardless of whether it was one of the people that had they inflicted it - look at that scar.

- No - replied harshly, trying to swallow the fear showing cold.

Rei narrowed his eyes, angry at the refusal and the attitude of him.

- I knew it was you! - exclaimed loudly. - Dad was right in saying that you were still alive, that people like you can be considered dead only with a corpse before the eyes. Where the hell have you been the past two years? Who are those people with whom you were having lunch? It's ridiculous! You seriously think you can eat as if nothing had after what you did? It's your fault if mom and dad are always tense and nervous!

He paused for breath, overwhelmed by his own anger, while Yoite felt annihilated by that river of words overflowing hatred.

The first truth he had learned is that he was born killing his mother

The second, that because of this his father, his stepmother and his half-brothers hated him. It was an absolute certainty - not denied as confirmed by the single exception of Tsukasa - so now Yoite was not really upset in front of the resentment that the boy was showing.

Rather he was trembling because of the realization that he couldn't disappear, not with Miharu that no longer had the Shinrabasho and in any case would never have done, so he could never free nor Rei nor the rest of his family from the burden of their hatred.

- I'm sorry... - said.

He thought instinctively that Miharu and Yukimi would be angry to hear him speak in this way, having heard countless times from both that it was wrong and absurd to feel guilty about being hated, but he could not help it.

- You are sorry for what? - Snapped the boy, approaching him. - If you mind to be alive, that day you would have been able to avoid escape!

Yoite found pungent this latter statement. This was going to tease a thought that he had always tried to ignore, especially when, much more firmly than now, he was convinced he wanted to die.

When his family had tried to kill him had fled, without thinking and without looking back, and this instinctive clinging to life was something he didn't know to handle, in contrast with what for years had tried to want.

He said nothing, hiding behind a silence, and didn't react even when the guy grabbed him roughly by the arm.

- Don't ignore me!

Yoite didn't answer to his angry exclamation, remaining silent even when Rei seemed about to strike him. However, as he had subconsciously expected a similar gesture on his part, nothing could happen that the boy was pushed away.

Yoite imitated the surprised expression of his brother when Yukimi intervened suddenly between them: apparently calm but in reality obviously angry.

- I would say that the discussion ends here - he said dryly.

- Who the hell are you? - Rei asked.

In spite of himself Yoite was a little intrigued by the response of Yukimi, having always wondered if the man considered him only the boy who had been forced to take at his home or what, but he shook his head with a gesture of annoyance and eclipsed the question.

- A person who could make you very sick if you don't go away - instead replied, grateful that the boy was enough old and big - both in age and physique - not give rise to no qualms about having possibly to hit him.

Rei however didn't seem at all intimidated by this explicit threat, going pretty to look at him with a mocking air; as if to challenge him to come forward really.

- Yukimi ...

- Defend yourself alone, then! - he replied, irritated by the this murmur warning.

But then immediately he felt guilty in front of Yoite's tormented expression, and muttered something unintelligible between his teeth in frustration. He hadn't the slightest doubt that his reaction was right, even beyond their own personal desire to break some bones up anyone who did sick Yoite, but was exasperating to help someone who can blame him for that.

Yukimi was almost next to order Yoite not to fall back into his crazy masochistic ideas and realize that no, it was not normal to blame and punish himself if others are in the wrong, but he was restrained - and with hindsight then he was grateful for this, knowing that to say such a thing would have distanced Yoite like the first time - by Miharu's entry of Miharu.

He had expected as much as possible to avoid giving the impression of being slipped into a state of distress as he had appeared the boy, but when even Yukimi had risen and had not returned to the table with Yoite even after five minutes he had reached bathroom with decision.

- What's going on? - He asked, astonished.

The first thing that Miharu noticed was that the same guy who was the cause of everything was still there, and that he was facing Yukimi as if they were ready for a fight. The second, which catalyzed his attention immediately, that Yoite was a short distance away and had an expression on his face that he never wanted to see again.

Without thinking over Miharu went straight to him, placing a hand on his arm.

He arrived with the head enough over his shoulder, lowest but not so much that he can't watch directly in his eye and touch his face, but Miharu had always seen Yoite as the most fragile between them.

In terms of physical strength Yoite was undoubtedly superior, was useless to deny it, but Miharu soon realized that mentally and emotionally Yoite compared to him was pretty devastated; and considering which he didn't consider himself a solid person had always felt a creeping concern for comparisons a boy that was even worse.

Even now Miharu felt explode the apprehension that had incubated in those long weeks of emotional distance, mitigated by the certainty that his life was saved but still intense.

- Yoite ...

He didn't know what else to add, understanding too little of the situation to do something other than watch him anxiously.

Miharu had almost forgotten the other boy, and winced when heard his voice.

- And now who are you, his little friend? - said acidly.

He struggled for not to notice the heavy malice in his tone, as if this guy felt angry at the thought that there was someone close to Yoite who cared for him. Miharu couldn't know the reason, but he was deeply irritated by this and for the subsequent words of the boy.

- That's only a murderess who does not deserve anything - said through gritted teeth, - avoid looking him as if he was important.

- He _is_ important! - Miharu replied, raising his voice. - I do not know who you are and what you want, but you have no right to speak in this way!

- Miharu not ...

- It 'just so! - snapped, cutting off Yoite's protests.

He did not want to talk to him in this way - knowing, moreover, that it was perhaps the best way to distanced him from himself - but only now realized that he had secretly hatched a long time about him a feeling akin to anger.

Miharu was deeply upset because Yoite had asked to be deleted, because until the end he had changed his mind - so much so that he was compelled to totally ignore his will to save him - and because in those who had risked being his last moments Yoite had smile as if he hadn't realized how his behaviour was cruel.

Miharu was angry with him because Yoite had a profound altruism but even an indisputable selfishness, both excessive, and therefore he had no balance.

But now he knew he could not disclose such thoughts, not with that guy next to them that obviously in this would read only frustration and would have the opportunity to reiterate his position against Yoite, so Miharu strove rather to put them yet aside.

- Yoite is very important to me - instead he repeated. - And not just for me ... there are many people for whom he is important, including menacing-looking man in front of you that hiding a gun in his pants.

Yukimi was grateful that Miharu had included him in his speech, feeling shudder at the prospect of having to say something terribly embarrassing as that he loved Yoite. He was not sure if he can say such things without the support of at least a couple of beers, and by virtue of this he preferred not to get angry about the way in which Miharu had described him.

From his expression it was clear that the boy was considering a bluff the history of the gun - and Yukimi thought quite entertaining the idea of bringing out the weapon that he really had out of sheer habit - but after a short hesitation Rei snapped anyway toward the door.

He turned one last time, looking Yoite deeply resentful.

- You should die - said in a sullen voice. - Dad has always been right to say that you would not even been born.

He left before Miharu or Yukimi could say anything, both now more openly angry, slamming the door behind him.

- You want me to chase him to shoot him? - Yukimi then investigated.

The man had clumsily tried to lighten the situation, but his hopes that Yoite could react in the way he had hoped - responding sarcastic that he didn't want bloodshed in a restaurant - disappeared when he refused even to lift the look.

Yukimi realized that for him would have been fine even if Yoite had actually asked him to shoot, anything for not to see his expression full of grief and guilt. Opened his mouth to tell him that he shouldn't even think that the boy, his brother or whatever he was, was right, but was anticipated by Miharu.

Even the boy was immediately distressed to see Yoite retire behind a sullen silence, all too aware that words like those that he had been heard had the power to annihilate him, and hugged him impulsively.

- That guy is an idiot who does not know what he's saying - he said, speaking in a tone of urgency. - You can't feel bad for him. You can't, is strictly prohibited.

Miharu didn't specify for what was forbidden, conscious that he is talking incoherently because of the tension, and strengthened its grip to try to communicate at Yoite at least some of the desperate need he felt he did not see him fall back into his state of mind more obscure.

He didn't want to hear that Yoite wanted to disappear for the good of all, didn't want to see him cry and feel guilty for whatever happened.

Yoite slowly returned his hug without saying anything, but Miharu wasn't so naive as to believe seriously that he would have been fine with so soon after an episode of this type.


	3. difficult decisions

**A transition chapter, but I enjoyed writing it; especially in the first part but also for the dialogue between Yukimi and Miharu.**

**This fiction will not be very long, I think less than 10 chapters, so the events will all be very focused and immediate. It's a what if, as I already said, as for me would undoubtedly due to go the manga.**

**Good reading**

* * *

It was so predictable that he would have behaved in that way that Yukimi didn't get angry or nervous when Yoite, once back from the restaurant, locked himself in his room and didn't come out at dinner time.

Similarly the man not even tried to bring back Miharu to his house: merely give him a blanket when he sat on the couch with the clear intention to stay there until Yoite hadn't come out to talk.

They had spent a day in that way, and after having been patient for the second day when the third's sun began to decline Yukimi decreed that he definitely had waited too long.

- Maybe we shouldn't do this - Miharu ventured hesitantly, taking his act to get up from your desk and reach Yoite's chamber.

- Instead we must, that brat would be able to stay in his room for weeks.

Miharu couldn't deny this, recognizing that Yoite had a disturbing ability to remain silent for times that would have seemed impossible for any normal person. So he nodded slowly and watched Yukimi as the man walked with decision towards the chamber.

Miharu after a brief hesitation got up and followed him quietly, staying out of the door. He knew it was wrong eavesdrop, but he felt almost _preceded_ by Yukimi - because he wanted to talk to Yoite ever since they had left the restaurant - so he said to himself, to have at least the right to hear.

Miharu peered inside the room, looking Yukimi who sat on the bed's edge.

Once there the man stood for a moment uncertain about how to behave, prepared to find Yoite under the covers but not to the way in which he had brought them completely over his head; leaving visible only an hair's tuft.

Yukimi didn't know whether to consider a big improvement that at least now Yoite is depressed to bed instead of on the floor or worry that he would die suffocated, and in conclusion he grabbed the duvet and pushed it away with a decisive gesture.

- We need to talk - he said.

- I don't want

Yukimi accepted the rebuff calmly, perfectly accustomed to the moments when Yoite was hiding behind an attitude to the limits of grumpy.

- It was not a request - he replied. - Now you abandon this sort of cocoon and you listen to me.

Yukimi waited for a few minutes, certain that Yoite would never have gone so openly against him to the point of ignoring his words, and looked at him seriously when he obeyed his request. Yoite not approached and not opened mouth, but equally he sat up.

Yukimi was tempted to touch the hair that covered Yoite's eyes, noting down the useless information that no matter how smooth they were also those of him became tangled after days under the covers, then prudently preferred to avoid any physical contact.

- That guy was your brother, right? - Instead asked at him point-blank.

He had decided that tackle the question immediately would have been better, thus avoiding to annoy him with a tiring falter, and he realized with relief that his idea had been right when Yoite impulsively gave him a quick glance. He hadn't moved away, and Yukimi already judged this a success, and after a few moments he nodded to his question.

- He's my stepbrother. His mother is my father's new wife. When they were married she brought him with her - he explained.

- I understand - Yukimi said, glad to determine that at least at the level of blood that boy had no real connection with Yoite. - He's bigger than you, right?.

- He's 18 years old.

- And that little girl, instead?

- She is my father's daughter... Then also Tsukasa.

Yukimi nodded, taking advantage of Yoite's unexpected sincerity - by failing to hoped that their dialogue could be conducted in a collaborative way - and then decided not to admit that he already he had seen Tsukasa. He had never spoken at Yoite of the investigation that he had made about his past, and he couldn't think of a worse time than to do it.

Yukimi stood for a moment in silence, aware that any subsequent questions on his family wouldn't have sparked nothing but bad memories to Yoite: indifference, imprisonment, hatred and violence.

Impulsively Yukimi looked at his neck, covered by the collar of his sweatshirt that Yoite, at Miharu's insistence, had surprisingly agreed to replace at the sweater during the mild climate; being able to see even so the scar that this hidden.

- You have been hurt by that guy?

He had asked that question in a very calm tone , but Yoite paled anyway. However, contrary to Yukimi's expectations, then he didn't nothing more than lay a hand on the neck and bow his head.

Yukimi hadn't really thought about getting a reply, so Yoite's murmur left him breathless.

- ... Even him.

Beyond the initial amazement Yukimi tensed instinctively. He had always known he couldn't bear a yes to that question without losing control, and now he was totally caught off guard by what Yoite had said.

- What do you mean? - inquired, much tougher than he would have liked. - What the hell means "_even him_"?

Rationally Yukimi knew that a nervous behaviour with Yoite would be unjust and wrong, the most disastrous reaction to address the situation, but he couldn't restrain himself.

However Yoite suddenly seemed to realize the words he had said and, paling much more than before, refused with an abrupt gesture the hand that Yukimi had stretched toward him. Understanding that he wanted to go hide under the covers the man grabbed him by the arm more firmly, preventing him from moving.

- I need to know what you were talking about - he repeated firmly. - You have been hurt by those who?

- None of your business.

For a moment Yukimi found positive that, at least, Yoite has spoken to him - even if only to reject him - but then he skipped a beat to see that his eyes were moist with tears.

He was frightened by the idea that Yoite could cry, not remembering that had ever happened before such a thing, so Yukimi let him go on impulse. He didn't protest when Yoite grabbed the blanket and lay down bringing it over his head as before, remaining only to look at him with the feeling of being much more tired than before.

- At least try not to choke - he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

Not got no answer but Yukimi hadn't expected to receive one, then stood up without a word and left the room.

Once outside, the man was surprised to run into Miharu, but after the initial surprise Yukimi only had to look at his face to see that he had always remained outside the door to listen. They stared in silence, and Yukimi was ready to swear that the anger he saw in Miharu's eyes was definitely the same that the kid was seeing in his.

* * *

Even though they both knew they were mulling on the same thoughts, after that day they employee almost a week to decide to address the issue.

As they had widely expected Yoite had returned to ignore both, though Yukimi couldn't help but notice that with Miharu he was much more tolerant and helpful, so in the end they did not struggled to find a moment to speak .

They had not organized a dialogue; simply one morning they had exchanged a look of understanding before going as far as possible from Yoite's room

- I don't want to involve Tsukasa, at least not yet - Yukimi began.

- Why?

- To avoid that he finishes involved in a blood bath, just in case you asked Raiko the favour to accompany you from Yoite's family.

Miharu frowned, looking genuinely offended.

- You think I'm organizing a massacre? - he investigated.

The man chose to defer the question, admitting honestly that Miharu would never do anything like that but also certain to be objective in saying that he tended to be unreasonable when something implied Yoite.

- Okay, okay - he sighed. - To speak clearly we're both thinking of going to visit that family, right?

Although slightly reluctantly Miharu nodded, revealing a hatred explicit enough that made Yukimi worry. Though he had always sensed that Miharu's indifference was

substantially built he still recognized at him a great self-control, some ability to maintain ever the right mental clarity; whereby Yukimi found worrying that Miharu had shown an intense feeling as the resentment just _thinking_ about those people.

- You can't help anyone getting nervous - he remarked severely.

- I'm not nervous, I'm angry - he admitted, enough frankly to shut him up. - I thought long and hard about why Yoite had been so determined to want to disappear, and in the end I came to the conclusion that if a 16 year old boy has a similar desire this can be only because of his family. Raiko-san told me that Yoite was found two years ago by Hattori in the street while he was dying, and then if I think about his scar and what he said about his brother...

Miharu didn't finish the sentence, looking Yukimi eloquently, and the man just nodded.

He didn't found necessary to say in place of the boy who probably Yoite had risked to be killed by all his family, or at least from his father and brother. Yukimi neither pointed out the obvious, which he was instinctively led in turn to hatch hatred for those people; deciding instead to remain calm.

- If I agree with you to track them down and bring Yoite to meet them is just because I think otherwise he will never overcome his past - he clarified.

- That's what I think, too - Miharu said.

- Well, at least we have clarified this.

They stood for a moment in silence, and after a brief hesitation Miharu chose not to admit that in addition against Yoite's family he also felt anger against _the same_ Yoite, not understanding why he wanted to punish himself for the good of the same people who, whereas, would had to be punished for what they had done to him.

However Yukimi noticed his eyes darken, and recovered quickly the word.

- Since I doubt it will be a nice meeting I thought of bringing him to Tsukasa-kun's house at the end - he said.

- As if the only relative who doesn't hate him was the sugar after medicine?

- Yes, something like that.

Miharu nodded, acknowledging a certain logic in that strategy. But he also felt a creeping feeling close to jealousy, restless for the idea of not be enough to Yoite to get better. Not to think about this Miharu began to look out the window, nodding wordlessly when Yukimi said that he would have immediately called Tsukasa to ask the new address of his parents.

The man struggled to hold back a growl of frustration when he realized that Miharu was depressed in turn, wondering not for the first time if he should ask for a fee to someone for the commitment he had taken to deal two problematic kids as their.

- Come on, go talk to Yoite about this journey in search of some information for an article of mine - he said.

- ... You're asking me to hide the real reason for the trip? - Miharu investigated.

- And you seriously think it's a smart move to go from a person who doesn't get out of bed for a week to suggest to him: "_hey, let's go talk with your family that almost killed you and pushed you for years to want to disappear!_" - retorted Yukimi.

Miharu cashed the defeat calmly, not finding pleasant the prospect of lying to Yoite but also realistic enough to admit that the man was right.

Yukimi was pleased when he nodded obediently and left the room, but at the end couldn't help but call him back.

- I specify that if I sent you to talk with him is because you're the only one who can convince him to leave that room - he said. - With me, or even less with someone else, he would never accept not even to go out looking for information. But Yoite will never refuse your direct request.

Yukimi found far too clear how Miharu's eyes lit up at hearing those words; always rather suspicious of the bond between him and Yoite that everyone, to use the terminology milder, considered very tight.

However Yukimi judged this moment the worst time to think about it, so he diplomatically ignored the argument.


End file.
